The most memorable would be Dwyane Wade. He had these dope shoes on and I was screaming at him the whole game. “I want yo shoes! You should gimme your shoes, Dwyane! Dwyane! Dwyane! Dwyane!” I had the whole [Heat] bench [laughing], they was dying because anybody that would come over who was on his team I would tell them, “Hey, tell Dwyane that I want his shoes.” So at the end of the game he came over, took off his shoes, signed them, and there was a little boy and I gave one of them to him.
I would trash talk [opposing players] so bad that I would make them laugh, because it was just funny. It was like a game. Oh my god. [Laughs] Let me tell you, Steph Curry was raining threes like he was peeing on a bush, I said, “Listen, let me tell you something. You ain’t got to do that. You ain’t got to do that.” And he was like, “That’s that Cali water, baby.” And I was like, “California ain’t got no god damn water.”
I would harass the referees like crazy. When they come out—because the referees know who I am—I would start threatening them right there. They’d look at me like, Damn, we haven’t even started the game. By the end of the season, I would know all the refs. If they made a bad call I would be talking shit. I’d be like, “Man, I don’t even understand that call. I don’t even understand why you would call that. Where is that in the ref book? Did you go talk to your homeboy before you called a travel because it didn’t look like a travel?” Stuff like that. Oh my god. What they started doing, security would just give me the card—you know, the card where they say if you get this card three times [you’re ejected]. But I didn’t go too far. It was all hilarious.
Chris Distefano’s Dad Put His Feet on the Hardwood. Literally.
The New York comic grew up a Knicks fan, and used to sit near the top of the building with his father, rooting for the ‘90s squads that captivated the Big Apple. The first time he was blessed with courtside seats, he dealt with a dose of imposter syndrome—in addition to his dad’s eccentric behavior. And—like most other regulars who get to sit on the hardwood—Distefano has hilarious Tracy Morgan stories.
My father and I used to sit in the upper deck during Knicks games, so the first time I ever sat courtside of course I’m bringing my dad, 1000 percent. He couldn’t believe it. The guy who gave us the tickets was like, Listen, you’re sitting in the owner’s box, pretty much, so dress nice. So I told my dad and my dad showed up wearing sweatpants with dress shoes and a button-down shirt with no tie and a Knicks jacket. We go and we’re having a great time and sitting in the seats and he can’t believe it. He’s trying to take videos of it but recording his own face because he has no idea how to use a phone. He then says to one of the ball boys, “You think me and my son can get a cotton candy?” And I’m like, I don’t want a cotton candy, I’m a grown man. The ball kid was like, “One of the servers will come over.” Then my dad goes, “Is there a way, while we’re down here, that we can get Patrick Ewing’s autograph?” It was like 2015. I’m like, “Dad, he isn’t always at Knicks games. He doesn’t just work for the Knicks.” The ball boy was like, “I don’t know if he’s in the building. Did you see him?” I’m like, Dad, shutup. Then my dad’s like, “I can’t believe we’re actually on the hardwood. I’m so proud of you.” Whatever. I’m taking it all in. Not paying attention to him. Then he gives me his phone and goes, “Can you take a picture of me?” And I turn around to take a picture of him in his seat, since I’m not really paying attention, and he goes, “No, look down.” He had taken off his shoes and socks and he wanted his bare feet on the hardwood and wanted me to take a picture of his bare feet to memorialize the moment. And a security guard came over and was like, “Sir, you need to put shoes and socks on.” It’s, like, a health hazard. I should’ve, now in hindsight, taken a picture—it would’ve been fantastic. That was the very first time I sat courtside and it was great.
The best thing is being around Tracy Morgan, I mean, he’s the funniest. He’s just amazing. The energy on Tracy Morgan is just incredible. I was sitting next to him [one game] and he goes, “What up, baby?” He knows me, but he always forgets my name. He’s like, “You white boys look alike. It ain’t my fault, baby. It’s all love.” Tracy then introduces me to—I forget the guy’s name, let’s say Earl, he was an old man. I said, “Hey, what’s up, bro? What do you do?” He says he works for Tracy. Tracy goes, “This is my divorce lawyer. I don’t go anywhere out the house without my divorce lawyer. You never know when the shit’s going to pop up from the past. I got a word of advice for you, kid. Never leave home without him.” I was dying laughing.
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