Some common phrases to use if you’re engaging in a praise kink, according to Dr. Howard: You’re doing so good. You’re riding me so good. You’re a good girl/boy. You feel so good. “Praise during sex really helps to increase arousal,” she explains. “That’s why it’s really popular right now.”
P Is for Pet Play
“In pet play, there’s a person that is moving into the role of a pet,” says Goddess Amina. That may involve wearing ears, paws, and/or a whole snout. “They may crawl around on all fours, or they may come up against you. It just allows them to be playful.”
Q Is for Quirofilia
A specific fetish for hands is referred to as quirofilia, which may manifest as an attraction to fingers, a great manicure, or simply some smoking hot hands. Hands are sexy. They’re used for myriad sexy things, like the underrated hand job, fingering, and back massages. While quirofilia can absolutely use hand jobs, fisting, or fingering (use of hands to directly create sexual pleasure), some hand fetishists might get off on hands doing mundane tasks, such as picking up groceries or doing chores. While fetishes are inherently sexual, many times the activity or object the fetishist is interested in may present itself as nonsexual in nature. What is one person’s chore, such as washing dishes, is a hand fetishist’s wet dream.
R Is for Role Play
Role playing is another common kink, which involves people taking on characters outside of their day-to-day lives as part of a sex scene. This can be as simple as putting on a nurse’s outfit or as elaborate as constructing an entire scene complete with character development. Common examples include doctor and patient (medical role play), boss and secretary, pool boy and rich housewife, or college student and professor. While role playing often comes with costumes and is a fabulous excuse to dress up, an extensive wardrobe is not required. Scenes can be created through dirty talk and pure imagination.
R Is for Robot Fetishism
We’re living in an age where technology can tend to many of our basic needs. Got to install that finicky shelf? TaskRabbit. Need feeding? DoorDash. Horny? Well, that varies. While many of us might turn to any one of the thousands of dating apps to find a willing partner, 22% of people in the United States would quite like to get their rocks off with a robot. In fact, some people prefer it. Robot fetishism, sometimes referred to as robotism, involves individuals who are sexually aroused with robots or other similar beings such as androids or cyborgs. This attraction can exist in reality, by having sex with fully-formed sex dolls or robots, or in a more literary sense, for example, by reading novels or fanfiction about these beings. Robotism can also manifest as role play, so having a human partner who dresses up or performs as a robot during sex.
S Is for Spectrophilia
Especially if you’re a straight woman, it’s been a tough year to get into humans. Those with spectrophilia report a sexual attraction, relationships, or sexual encounters with ghosts who come and have hot sex with them at night. A succubus is a ghost in lady form that, in folklore (or a spectrophilia fantasy), visits her object of desire at night for some hot human-ghost lovemaking. An incubus is the male variety (and also that band). Though the actual existence of ghosts is up for debate (and for excellent Halloween movie marathons), the sexual attraction that spectrophiles report feeling is as real as any other fetish. Kind of puts a whole new twist on the term friendly ghost, though, right?
S Is for Stygiophilia
Stygiophilia is a fetish that involves sexual pleasure from the idea of going to hell or facing eternal punishment. The arousal can stem from the taboo nature of such thoughts. In some instances, stygiophilia ties into the BDSM concept of pleasurable punishment and humiliation. There is little research on the kink, but people who had a particularly religious upbringing—where discussions of hell were common in the church, school, or home—might be more inclined to enjoy this kink, as their religious background can make introducing the idea of hell into sexual play feel all the more forbidden and sexually thrilling.
T Is for Tentacles
First let’s get one thing straight: You can’t have sex with an actual octopus or octopus-like monster—octopuses are animals and therefore cannot give consent. But octopus-like monsters totally exist in tentacle porn, which you can absolutely watch and get off on. It’s hot, not only because it’s so foreign and forbidden but, according to some experts, because it fulfills some other pretty classic fantasy tropes, like bondage and multiple penetration. And if your ideal penis is actually a giant blue tentacle, the sex toy manufacturer Bad Dragon just may help you fulfill your monster fantasies.
T Is for Trichophilia
Trichophilia, also referred to as hair fetishism, is the erotic attraction to hair. The hair in question can be human hair—armpit, chest, pubic, head—or even animal fur, but it is most commonly human head hair. The fetish can involve touching, smelling, or looking at hair, wearing another person’s hair, or interacting with hair in different states—for example, when it is wet, cut, or plucked. It can even involve eating hair, in rare instances. Those who indulge in this fetish might have a strong preference for the type of hair that is part of their fantasy or sexual play, whether it’s a preference for red hair, tight curls, or short, cropped hair.
T Is for Temperature Play
“Temperature play is a form of kink where people explore with hot and cold sensations,” says Dr. Howard. She recommends rubbing ice on erogenous zones such as the neck, nipples, stomach, inner thighs, vulva, ankles, feet, or behind the ears. A wet towel is another useful tool for this kink: Dr. Howard says you can warm it in the microwave or freeze it to play with different hot and cold sensations.
U Is for Urophilia
Urophilia is a fancy name for watersports, golden showers, or the more direct name, pee play. With this kink, people find urination sexually arousing. There are lots of things you can do with urine, though the most common way to enjoy pee play is to give or receive golden showers. If you don’t remember the reports of that unverified dossier alleging that former president Donald Trump engaged in the act, a golden shower is, well, letting someone shower you (or vice versa) with their pee. If you want to try it out, start in the actual shower.
U Is for Underwear
There’s no denying it, there’s a lot of money to be made in used underwear. In recent years, many people—typically women—have shared their experiences selling their used underwear to people on Craigslist, Instagram, and eBay. So it may not surprise you that the sexual obsession with underwear is a common fetish. “A great attraction to underwear can be due to a combination of our imagination as well as the feel and smell of underwear,” says Murray. “People can imagine what someone would like in their underwear, and what it would be like to feel it and touch it while being sexual with the other person.”
V Is for Voyeurism
A voyeur is someone who derives sexual pleasure from watching others get it on. When we speak about voyeurism from a kink perspective, we’re talking about consensual voyeurism. Very important distinction! Exhibitionists enjoy being watched, and voyeurs enjoy watching, which makes these two kinks a common item on the menu at sex parties or kink events. Things become more confusing in everyday life, because observing someone without their knowledge or consent is absolutely not okay. If you have voyeuristic fantasies, make sure you’re indulging them consensually with willing exhibitionists. That way everyone wins (and gets off).
V Is for Vicarphilia
With the rise of erotic podcasts and audiobooks, vicarphilia is one kink that seems to have become fairly mainstream without many of us knowing it. Vicarphilia is vicarious arousal, a kink where individuals are intensely aroused by hearing the sexual experiences, interests, and behaviors of others, namely those who live different—or usually more thrilling—lives than their own. This can be experienced by listening to a famous musician explain their sexual history on a podcast, for example, or perhaps by reading a writer’s recount of their first erotic experience in their autobiography. The kink is essentially living vicariously through the sex lives of others.
W Is for Whip
Whip is commonly used as an umbrella term for all impact play tools, though it technically refers to an item with a thinner body that produces more of a “stingy” sensation. (You’ll often hear BDSM practitioners refer to sensations as either stingy or thuddy—the latter describing a toy like a paddle.) The most advanced whip on the market is the single-tail, which looks like a snake and can create a cracking noise when used correctly. Single-tails break the skin and can wrap around the body, injuring areas where organs reside, and should only be used by professional dominatrices with years of experience. Even some pro dominatrices will use them only for intimidation, rather than to actually impact their submissive’s body. If you want to try a whip, opt for a beginner-friendly option.
W Is for Wet and Messy
Wet and messy, also known as sploshing, is a fetish where people enjoy being covered in or surrounded by wet food or beverages. “This can involve cake sitting, being covered in frosting, or Jell-O during sex—all that good stuff,” says Engle. “It can also include non-food substances like shaving cream, large amounts of lube, paint, and more. It’s when you get a lot of sexual enjoyment from copious amounts of wet messiness during sexual play, whether you’re having sex or not.” The appeal of sploshing arises from a number of things but ultimately, it’s down to the individual. Some of the main reasons for indulging in the wet and messy fetish is sensory stimulation. “The appeal seems to be the tactile feeling of the substance and in the case of food, also the tasting of things. It’s really an extreme form of sensory play in some ways. It’s about being turned on by messiness, slipperiness, and all that other sloshy goodness. It’s important not to yuck anyone else’s yum. Human sexuality is complex, and we shouldn’t judge anyone on what they like, as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult and the play is safe.”
X Is for Wax Play
Candlelight is fantastic mood lighting, but you can also use the melted wax for painfully good sexual pleasure. Of course, playing with fire (and wax) is dangerous, so it’s a good thing the sex toy industry has our backs here. “I tell people to not start off with the candles that you have at home, but to always begin with candles that are specifically for erotic stimulation,” Dr. Howard says. There are candles that exist to burn at a temperature perfect for bodies, so you don’t have to worry about accidental burns. Massage candles also exist. These come in delightful scents such as bourbon or dark vanilla. As the candle burns, the wax turns into massage oil. Enjoy.
Y Is for Yoni Egg
A yoni egg is an egg-shaped device worn inside the vagina typically as part of pelvic floor exercises. A yoni egg is inserted inside the vagina and the pelvic floor muscles tighten their grip to hold the egg in place. They can be quite beautiful—the sexual wellness company Chakrubs sells them in crystals such as rose quartz, jade, and black obsidian. There’s also a spiritual element involved for many yoni egg users, particularly since they involve crystals. There’s some debate over whether there are health risks associated, so make sure you read up on whether this is something you want to incorporate as part of your Kegel routine.
Z Is for Zappers
Zapper is a cute nickname for an electro-wand that is used as part of electrostimulation. These typically look like a magic wand a wizard would use, except they’re used to send shocks to the body. Zappers are often used as part of DS play in which the dominant shocks the submissive. Though it sounds scary, zappers feel like a little sting. Still it is 100% okay if they’re on your hard-no limit list. You can still be kinky and cool without zappers—I’d be shocked (shocked!) if they didn’t scare you a teeny bit.
Z Is for Zentai
Zentai, which stems from the Japanese term zenshin taitsu (full body tights), is a formfitting suit that covers the entire body, including the head, fingers, and toes. It is usually bright in color and made from spandex. For those who enjoy zentai, the arousing factor can derive from the closeness and tightness of the fabric to the skin as well as the pressure this can place against sensitive regions of the body. As zentai is a form of sexual bondage, the suit can make the wearer feel trapped and contained, which is a similar sexual sensation to claustrophilia. For some, the anonymity these suits offer can also bring a particularly arousing thrill, for those who are shy or enjoy a little mystery.
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