We see it in You, where Joe Goldberg consistently manipulates women into believing he’s just a misunderstood romantic even as his behavior becomes controlling and violent. He denies, attacks, reframes. Over and over again.
DARVO can happen outside of domestic abuse and violence, too. Like when a partner cheats, gets caught, and then says something like, “You’ve been so cold lately, what did you expect?” Or when you confront a friend about a boundary they’ve crossed, and they respond with, “Wow, I guess I’m just a terrible person then.” Suddenly, you’re the one doing damage control, even though they hurt you.
Those involved with Everyone’s Invited, a charity dedicated to exposing and eradicating rape culture with empathy, compassion, and understanding, witness DARVO all too often. A spokesperson for the charity told Glamour UK, “At Everyone’s Invited, across thousands of testimonies, we often see DARVO as a recurring tactic used by perpetrators when confronted with allegations of abuse. It begins with denial, followed by personal attacks on the survivor, and ends with the abuser casting themselves as the true victim.”
They continued, “DARVO is a powerful form of manipulation and a clear example of rape culture in action. It silences survivors, protects those in positions of power, and upholds a system where accountability is routinely avoided. When we talk about power, it’s not always institutional. It can exist in everyday relationships where one person holds more emotional, social, or physical control than the other.”
As Everyone’s Invited explains, DARVO can be both subtle and overt: from character assassination to gaslighting and narrative distortion. “Through our testimonies, we hear time and again from survivors who feel afraid to speak out or even question their own experiences.”
“Recognizing these behaviours is essential. When we understand how DARVO functions, we can begin to challenge it—dismantling rape culture and creating space for survivors to be heard, supported, and believed.”
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