I felt a wave of relief the first time I heard Hilary Duff is not in contact with her older sister, Haylie. It’s not like I was rooting for there to be strife between the two, of course, but I know firsthand how much having an estranged sister can feel like a shameful family secret. And though membership into this strange club is common, it’s rarely made public.
If you’re as obsessed with pop-culture as I am, you probably also noticed the subtle signs that something was amiss with Hilary and Haylie for years. Once inseparable fixtures of the early aughts teen scene (even co-starring in the 2006 film Material Girls), the sisters haven’t been photographed together since 2019. Then came a subtle diss when Haylie liked The Cut’s Instagram post promoting Ashley Tisdale French’s divisive essay about leaving her “toxic” Hollywood mom group. A group that included Hilary, Mandy Moore, Meghan Trainor, and other big names. Confirmation finally came with Hilary’s new album luck…or something, when she revealed that her track “We Don’t Talk” was a reflection on her relationship with Haylie.
In her recent Glamour cover story, Hilary opened up about her family dynamics, saying, “Just because you’re born into a family doesn’t mean that it always stays together. You can only control your side and your street…. I’ve had a very complicated life, and my parents had a very complicated thing. I know it’s not rare, and I think it goes back to the theme of, ‘Why share now?’ I guess I just felt ready.”
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Hilary Duff Is Fully in the Driver’s Seat
With a personal new album, an upcoming world tour, and four kids at home, the millennial icon opens up about growing up in public, tabloid culture, and why this moment just feels right.
As I approach the one-year anniversary of going no contact with my own sister, I recognize that specific brand of discreetness. I know the wave of shame that hits when a stranger innocently asks, “How’s your sister?” and the practiced reticence of my reply: “I don’t know. We haven’t spoken in a year.”
We’re told sisters are built-in best friends, a ride-or-die assigned at birth. There is a high-level girl code that insists these sisterly bonds are unbreakable, demanding we do whatever it takes to stay united, no matter the cost to our own peace.
It’s different with brothers. From Shakespeare to Succession, we’ve been raised on the “warring heirs” trope. When Prince William and Prince Harry trade passive-aggressive jabs or the Beckham brothers’ rift makes headlines, it’s interesting but not shocking. We’ve effectively given men “permission” to let their egos fight it out in the open for so long that it’s become the stuff of legends in a way.
Hilary admitted on the On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast that her estrangement is “a very raw part of my existence.” For me, navigating the dual role of big sister and eldest daughter, that rawness feels like an open wound. Eldest daughters are raised to be the responsible ones, the overachievers who never rock the boat. As Taylor Swift sang, we are the “first lambs to the slaughter.” We are the family managers; in my house, the job description was clear: Be the bigger person, let it go, move on.
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