In fact, after I watched the first two episodes of Nobody Wants This, I called my mom and said, “I can’t imagine any guy who watches this show who would then say, ‘I really want to date a Jewish girl!’ We come off as controlling, marriage-hungry women who want to plan dinner parties and alienate anyone who doesn’t share those same dreams.”
Take Rebecca, Noah’s soon-to-be ex-girlfriend, who is so desperate to get engaged to him that she manages to find the key to his private desk drawer which stores the engagement ring he planned to give her, and then starts wearing it publicly. (“You were clearly going to propose anyway, and I don’t know what was taking so long. So now we can skip past the ‘Will you marry me?’ part because I say yes!” she says without realizing how delusional she sounds.)
Or what about Noah’s sister-in-law, Esther, who seems to exist on screen—at first—for the purpose of nagging her husband, Sasha. Granted, he often acts like a 13-year-old boy who would be totally lost without her, but it’s still such an outdated Jewish trope of the controlling/annoying wife who can’t stand their other half.
I give slightly more grace to the character of Bina, Noah and Sasha’s mother, who is an immigrant from Russia, and raised to believe that her sons can only marry a Jewish woman. It’s true for many Jewish families, and while so many Jewish mothers nowadays just want their kids to be happy—regardless of sexual orientation or religious beliefs in a partner—I have more understanding of the world she’s coming from.
But the moment that frustrated me the most occurs at the end of the first episode, in which Noah has just finished his sermon when a few Jewish mothers swarm him in hopes of introducing their single daughters to them. (If these mothers could have planned a wedding on the spot, they probably would have done that, too.) “She just got over shingles!” one exclaims. “She just graduated from hospitality school,” says another. It’s meant to be humorous, I guess, but it’s lazy and offensive. It’s all done, of course, so that Noah will excuse himself to say hello to Joanne, who has come to see him. When Esther asks Bina who that is, Noah’s mother angrily responds, “A shiksa,” as if she’s the number one enemy to Jewish single women everywhere.
As I look back, I’m a bit surprised I continued to watch. I love being Jewish, and I love that the Jewish religion has taught me to always welcome others and never leave anyone out. This scene at the temple is the exact opposite of what we Jews are taught to do—welcome thy neighbor. At a time when antisemitism is at the highest levels we’ve seen since the Holocaust, scenes like this hit me hard.
Call it curiosity, then, that I did watch more. And to my surprise, I really, really enjoyed it. As the series went on, Esther and Rebecca softened and became less like caricatures. Joanne made an effort to learn about Noah’s world, and he hers. (Granted, she’s far from ‘perfect’ either.) I could say more about the way Joanne and her sister, Morgan, are lionized by the Jewish guys in the show, which again, felt stereotypical, but for the most part, I was so invested in Noah and Joanne’s charming, hilarious, and sexy relationship to let it get to me.
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