Here is the most recent conundrum I found myself in: after finally acquiring a pair of rubber Wellies after years of wanting them, I slipped my feet inside of the boots, and was met with a surprise. They squeaked. Loudly. Very loudly. It was like that “squeaky boots” episode of SpongeBob SquarePants, but, like, way worse. Every step I took—Squeeeeak! Every time I shifted my stance—Squeeeeak!
Obviously, my plans of wearing my Wellies right away were immediately foiled. (The Wellies in question, by the way, are the classic Hunter Rain Boots—a full review is to come soon.) There was no way I could possibly wear the squeakiest boots known to mankind out of the house, much less to a quiet office building. So I did what anyone in my position would do: I turned to the Internet to see if somebody had the same very specific problem several years ago and posted about it on Reddit. And someone did!
King Charles wearing Wellington boots that probably do not squeak as much as mine do.
Actually, many people did. It seems like squeaky boots are a universal issue, and I’m here now to help us all fix it once and for all with what I’ve learned. Many websites and Redditors offer a variety of solutions, like putting baby powder on the areas that are squeaking, or leather lotion, or using sandpaper on the soles. None of those answers would work for me. First of all—I don’t have baby powder or leather lotion just lying around, and even if I did, I’m not just going to douse my brand-new boots in either of those substances, for fear that I’d end up like Ross Geller from Friends.
The sole of my boots were the squeakiest part, which would lead me to think that sandpapering down the bottom might help a bit. But where the hell does one acquire sandpaper? Amazon, I guess, but I wanted to wear my boots right away. So, I found a logical conclusion myself. If sanding down the soles is all it takes, then sanding down the soles I would do. And how to do that in one night, you ask? By walking the squeak out.
I wasn’t about to go outside and pace up and down my block in 40 degree weather at night, so I did the alternative. I put my boots on, headed down to my building’s gym, and walked my Hunter boots on the treadmill for a good 45 minutes. And it did the trick! The squeak in my boots gradually lessened, until it wasn’t there at all. The soles aren’t very scuffed, either; much less than they would be post-sandpaper, at least.
So folks, I urge you to heed my advice, unconventional as it may seem. If you’re in a pinch and need to de-squeak your boots easily, just take ’em to the gym.
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