A class set of dildos?
Yes. Imagine taking a bag of dildos out of the trunk and going into a house. [Laughs.]
Inside, there’s usually eight to 10 women that sit around me. I’m centrally located on the floor because that’s, I think, a realistic depiction of how you’re sitting next to a partner.
There’s usually wine flowing. I do about a 45-minute to a one-hour class. I always open for questions at the end, because there’s always really great questions that I learn a lot from. That can take 20 more minutes of this class. People are very curious, and there’s such an appetite for this knowledge. I think that people feel safe giving hand jobs. It’s a really easy thing to hone your skills and get good at—something that feels really empowering.
I feel like when people talk about couples in a sexual rut who are looking for something new and exciting, hand jobs are not the first thing that comes to mind.
It’s an approachable, new thing that can be super kinky. But it’s also PG, if you want it to be PG. That’s what, I think, is really nice about adding this new tool to your repertoire. It could be anything you want it to be.
There are times where I don’t want to have sex. Say, you’re on your cycle. Say, you don’t feel good. There’s things where you just don’t want to maybe engage in sex. Maybe you feel sexy, but you don’t want to have sex and you still want to connect with your partner. This is such a great way to do that. Say, you just had a baby. This is such a great thing to feel connected to your partner. Maybe he can touch you too, without intercourse. Teach him how to touch you. That just feels damn good.
That was something—the reciprocity aspect of giving manual pleasure—that we talked about as a counter-argument to this idea that we’re prioritizing men’s pleasure, or people with penises’ pleasure.
I always start my workshop with this: I say, “I’m a feminist.” I understand that men have it better in every way, including in the bedroom. I understand that. But I also take a step back and realize, “Am I touching my partner the way that I want to be touched?” I can tell you, no. There are times where I’m just going through the motions with a partner, when I’m trying to just get him to cum, basically.
I never want someone to touch me like that. When you can just really embrace the sensuality of this touch and communicate during this, when you’re touching him, and you can say things like, “This would feel so good on my body. Please touch me like this.” It’s this empowered situation, where you are giving pleasure and giving feedback. “Please, can you try this next time on me? This pressure would feel so good on me.”
It’s a teaching moment, but you have to be able to be open with that dialogue during the whole time. There are times where I will not do this for men. There are times that I don’t feel respected enough, or I don’t want to put in the effort. This is a special thing that I don’t give to everyone. I keep this for myself. This is for when I feel like doing it. That is something that I like to say too: “You don’t always want to spend one hour giving someone pleasure.” It takes this special mutual respect and safety. The hope, too, is that it will be given back to me in some other way. Maybe not that night, but maybe the next morning, it’s my turn.
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