Dating Burnout is Real—And Here’s Why Black Women are Feeling it the Most

Enter who I’m going to call Elijah: tall (at least according to his profile), a sharp smile, and banter that actually kept up with mine. He loved to travel (a non-negotiable for me), he was a fellow Manchester United fan, and he even threw in a playful, “I like to troll at times too” during our first few messages, letting me know he wasn’t afraid to dish it right back. Enough shared interests to make me think, This might actually go somewhere.

At first, things seemed promising. We agreed to meet—talked about a time and place…but as the day approached, I realized we were still just texting. No solid plans. No details. Nothing locked in. The vibe had shifted from “we’re meeting” to “are we, though?”

And then, instead of confirming, Elijah hit me with a full-on confessional. He admitted he had a fear of “temporary people,” wanting to know the end goal before anything even began. Translation: he’d already pre-drafted an expiration date for “us” before we’d even met, casually adding that he had one, maybe two, attempts left in him before giving up on love altogether.

At 30, I have no patience for mental gymnastics or existential dating crises. So, I got straight to the point: “Sir, is this your way of assessing if it’s even worth meeting?” Subtext: Are you canceling before we’ve even met?

Elijah tried to reassure me, “I just don’t want you to feel like I’m giving minimum effort.” But his actions said otherwise. The energy I want from a man comes without disclaimers, without doubts, and certainly without hesitation. So, we wished each other well and closed the chapter before it even began.

For Black women in 2025, this isn’t just a one-off story—it’s a recurring pattern. Breadcrumbing, soft-launching, and perfectly timed three-hour text responses have become the norm. The lack of effort has been so widespread it’s turned into a collective punchline among my group of friends. Different faces, identical archetypes, and all roads lead to the same dead end.

But it’s not just me and my friends. Social media is filled with caricatures of guys who either completely miss the mark or almost get there but fall just short—across the board, not just Black men. There’s the “I’m the Prize™” guy, who thinks a clean apartment, a steady gym routine, and a decent paycheck make him God’s gift to women. And the “Podcast Philosopher™,” who cloaks shallow takes on relationships in intellectual jargon, tossing them out like mic drops. One talks you in circles; the other expects you to meet him exactly where he stands. Both demand emotional labor they’d never offer in return, neither considering they might be the problem.

Then there’s the “I don’t want to waste your time™” guy, whose noble-sounding speech is just a preemptive excuse for minimal effort (looking at you, Elijah). Or his counterpart, Busy Guy™, whose grind seems admirable—until it’s clear there’s no room for you in it. And let’s not forget, nine times out of 10, he’s the one who approached you.

Add to that the Love Bomber™, who talks about forever but can’t commit to next week; the Trauma-Dumper™, who mistakes your emotional bandwidth for free therapy; and The Narcissist™, who doesn’t just leave you doubting yourself—he ensures it, chipping away at your confidence until all the focus is on him. And, of course, The Grand Gesture Ghoster™, immortalized by the TikTok trend “Dudes the day before they ghost you,” with his hilariously over-the-top declarations—Let’s go to Italy tomorrow… I told my mom about us… City hall is just down the street!—before vanishing without a trace.