Blake Lively and Taylor Swift’s Texts Are a Masterclass in Conflict Resolution

You might find it ironic, but the Blake Lively and Taylor Swift texts released as part of Lively’s ongoing legal battle with Justin Baldoni show a beautifully mature and kind approach to conflict. Amidst all the ugliness, it’s a welcome bright spot.

Many of the texts unsealed on January 20 (as reported by People) pertained to Baldoni, It Ends With Us, and certain points of contention. But one exchange revealed the toll the lawsuits and publicity have taken on Lively and Swift’s friendship. At one point or another, both Lively and Swift have been accused of being mean girls, but these messages show no such thing. Instead, the picture that emerges is one of two women who care deeply about each other, who are trying to heal a rift with grace and fairness. If anyone needed a reminder of the importance of female friendship, or a model for how to maintain one, well, here it is.

Lively began the exchange by directly addressing the issue. “I have no reason to ask, but I donno [sic], I’ve been feeling like I should… is everything ok? I felt like a bad friend lately because I was such a sad sack who only talked about my own shit for months. You were generous to not only be the key person there for me during all of it, but also to let me off the hook for being so in it.” She continued, “I always want the opportunity to be a better friend if there’s something I unintentionally did. I know how busy and taxed you are – physically, emotionally, practically, so I don’t expect any more from you ever.”

An hour later, Swift responded:

You’re not wrong, but it’s also not a big deal. I think I’m just exhausted in every avenue of my life and in recent months had been feeling a little bit of a shift in the way you talk to me. Yes there has been a lot of Justin stuff but I’ve been through things like this before and I know how all consuming it is. It’s more like… and I feel really bad saying anything about this because your texts have been so nice in their intent but your last few… it’s felt like I was reading a mass corporate email sent to 200 employees. And it feels awful to be in any way critical of any way you process what you’ve been going through but I just kinda miss my funny, dark, normal-speaking friend who talks to me as herself… And I know you feel attacked from all sides for ridiculous reasons so you’re feeling like you have to overly explain things… but. It’s me! That’s just caused a little distance. And you don’t need to apologize. Just come back please.