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For example, if you always get down at night, trying initiating a sex session first thing in the morning. Normally leave the lights off? Try lighting candles instead (maybe even one of these massage candles). Introduce a new vibrator to the mix, text your partner a photo of the lingerie you just purchased, or change up the sex playlist. Just like switching up where you have sex and engage in foreplay, you can switch up how you do it too.
9. Tell each other how you feel.
Okay, okay, before you cringe, remember there is a reason words of affirmation are a love language. Telling your partner what you like about them is a huge turn-on. Who doesn’t like compliments? Praise kink is very much a thing.
10. Act out a fantasy.
Everyone has a sexual fantasy—acting one out is one of the most surefire ways to make all of your partner’s foreplay dreams come true. Have them write down 10 fantasies they have—think: Eve and Villanelle on Killing Eve or Jamie and Claire from Outlander—on little slips of paper. Then choose one randomly and act it out. Admittedly, this can feel a little cheesy at first. To help you get past any awkwardness, the experts recommend just trying to keep it up for 30 seconds. Even in that short amount of time, you might find yourselves getting swept up in your roles.
11. Don’t kiss.
Sometimes almost kissing can be as tantalizing as kissing itself. Hear us out. Get face-to-face with your partner, either lying down side by side or with one of you on top of the other. Get close enough so that your mouths are just barely touching and your lips are parted—though not actually kissing. Instead, keep eye contact and breathe in and out at opposite times, so you’re “trading” breaths. It’s simple but deeply intimate—you’ll be surprised at how steamy things get.
12. Get a massage.
Sometimes the best form of foreplay is as simple as relaxing. When your mind is on a thousand different things—the never-ending to-do list, that cryptic comment from your boss this week, school drop-offs—it can be a challenge to really be present and get in the mood with your partner (hence why chilling out is often included on lists of foreplay ideas for women). Giving each other a sensual massage is a recipe for relaxation and a good warm-up to any sexual encounter.
Josefina Bashout, a tantric sex coach, spiritual psychologist, and the host of the Unabashed podcast, advises creating a serene space with soft lighting, candles, and soothing music as well as using a massage oil for this foreplay example. “Apply a natural PH-balanced organic intimacy arousal oil, like Liquid Gold by Natural Jackson, and pour it generously over both of your bodies,” Bashout says. “The oil creates a silky-smooth glide that intensifies every sensation. It’ll allow your bodies to glide effortlessly against each other and enhance the feeling of connection, fun, and fluidity.”
13. Watch a sexy movie together.
If you and your partner are both into porn or are at least intrigued by it, try checking it out together. Winter recommends talking afterward about what you each like and dislike and what you might want to try (or not). Sometimes it opens you up to ideas you might not have thought of before. Start by looking for feminist porn sites.
14. Find a sexy story.
If the visual medium isn’t your thing, that’s totally fine. Watching people have sex onscreen doesn’t do it for everyone. But don’t write all forms of porn off just yet. Listening to a sexy audio story, audio erotica on an app like Quinn, or reading a piece of erotica that turns you both on can be a great way to get in the mood. Check out Dipsea for the sexy alternative to your favorite podcast.
15. Mime each other’s moves.
Sometimes we can learn a lot about how our partner likes to be touched and kissed by observing how they touch and kiss us. Paying close attention to and mimicking our partner’s moves is not only a fantastic round of foreplay, it can show you how to turn them on in the future. It’s as simple as it sounds: Sit, stand, or lie down facing each other. Then begin miming the other’s moves. If his or her hand reaches to slip your top off, you do the same to them.
16. Play a kissing game.
Tell your partner to sit on the sofa or lie down on the bed. Kiss them—on the mouth, the cheeks, the forehead, the ears, the eyelids, the neck, hands, knees, the inner thighs, you name it. Here’s the catch: Your partner has to stay totally still. They can’t move, or touch you, or try to kiss you back. The buildup and anticipation will have you both dying to get intimate.
17. Be a tease.
Have your partner lie on their back and proceed to play a little game of “getting warmer.” Use your hands (or your mouth) to gently caress different parts of their body. You could start with random spots like the knees or forehead and then move to more erogenous zones. While you’re moving about, ask how your partner is handling the temperature. Keep “getting warmer” until they can’t take it anymore and then switch roles.
18. Practice your communication skills.
Since everyone has different turn-ons, the best thing you can do is pay attention to what works for you and then try to re-create it, says Winter. Don’t be afraid to let your partner know when they do something that you like. They’ll probably be happy to keep doing whatever gets you going in the future, and they’ll definitely appreciate the positive feedback. Next time you’re having a quiet moment with your partner, start a conversation about what he or she likes during foreplay. Chances are, just talking about it might lead to more.
19. Act like strangers.
This is the perfect way to switch things up with your partner and bring back those first-date butterflies, says Emily Morse, Ph.D., host of the podcast Sex With Emily. Approach each other at your favorite bar (or a new one you’ve been meaning to try). Then come up with a fun back story, and chat each other up as if it’s the first time you’re meeting.
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