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Tonight I’ll Win The Mega Millions $1.28 Billion Jackpot So I Guess This Is Goodbye, BuzzFeed

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Yes, I’m the one who is going to win the massive Mega Millions jackpot. It’s true. I felt it best to let you all know now, especially since I’ve already informed my manager I won’t be in on Monday. (It felt so good to finally give him a piece of my mind! I said swearwords we can’t even publish!)

It’s actually kind charitable of me to even spend the time writing this, given I’ve spent most of the last few days searching real estate websites and clicking “sort by most expensive to least expensive.”

As I’m sure you know, the Mega Millions jackpot has grown steadily since Tuesday night’s unsuccessful drawing (the 29th in a row!), as more and more people waste their money (not me) by buying tickets that won’t win (again, not mine).

On Wednesday morning, the jackpot stood at around $1.02 billion. With just hours to go, it’s since climbed to a staggering $1.28 billion.

Now, that’s if you (me) elect to take the payment as an annuity over 30 years. Pre-tax, that’s more than $42 million every year for the next three decades. Imagine how exhausting it’s going to be (for me) to spend that much money each year and then get to work each Jan. 1 having to do it all over again!

Most other chumps choose to take the cash option up front, which is now about $747.2 million. But as a newly mega wealthy person, I’ll now be able to live for a long time so I think I’d prefer to have the guaranteed income, thank you very much. (Is “income” even the right word to describe that much money? “Hamptons house fund”? “Private jet endowment”?)

In fact, since it ballooned, Friday night’s drawing is now the third-largest jackpot in US history. Some of you might feel sorry for me in not taking home the two largest ever winnings, but I assure you I am a man of modest means and I will simply make do.

According to the Associated Press, the odds of winning are about 1 in 302.5 million. But as Lady Gaga famously said, there can be 302.5 million people in a room and all it takes is one: me.

I will admit I’ve really got a good laugh from seeing other people on social media post their little tweets thinking they’re going to win. It’s so cute. Misplaced, but cute.

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“It Was A Masterpiece”: People Are Revealing The Single Best Episode Of Television They’ve Ever Seen

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21.

Mr. Robot — ‘407 Proxy Authentication Required.'”

“It was one of the most densely written and tense pieces of television I’ve ever seen — not to mention the phenomenal acting, editing, and cinematography.”

—u/ByDarwinsBeard

“This episode of TV is seriously the best episode of all time. Seriously.

I say proxy authentication required in my sleep.

If you are a lurker and never heard of Mr. Robot, I cannot recommend this masterpiece more. From start to finish, it’s the best TV series IMO.”

—u/jmjacoby95

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Drew Barrymore Said That Jennifer Garner “Really Saved” Her Post-Divorce

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Drew Barrymore Talks Jennifer Garner, Therapy

New York Magazine published a profile of the talkshow star earlier today, but part of the interview was conducted when Jennifer was a guest on The Drew Barrymore Show last month. Speaking to the publication, she described Jennifer as someone who “really saved” her.

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The Drew Barrymore Show / Via youtube.com

According to the profile, Drew saw Jennifer as a “model” on how to conduct herself in public post-divorce. After all, shortly after Drew split from Will Kopelman, Jennifer began her own separation from Ben Affleck.

In Jennifer’s Drew Barrymore Show appearance, Drew surprised her with a number of birthday gifts — including balloons, flowers, and a key to Jennifer’s hometown of Charleston. At the time, Jennifer whispered into Drew’s ears, “You are bananas” — to which Drew replied, “I am so bananas.”

When the cameras stopped and Jennifer left, Drew then reportedly spoke to the audience about her fears over the segment. “I will just be totally honest with you guys,” she said. “Making this show makes me have these personal whirlwinds. Like, I really want to make a very personal show, and I totally fucking spiraled after Jennifer Garner.”

“Like, there’s nothing I can do but just walk through it and feel my own discomfort,” she continued. “And hope I didn’t put anyone else in an uncomfortable situation. […] Does anyone ever have those episodes where, like, all of a sudden nothing they can do is right and everything is just more evidence about what a crazy weirdo you are?”

Elsewhere in Jennifer’s appearance on the show, she said that one thing she does in the morning to set her up for the day is a daily workout — in particular, hard cardio. “In honor of you, I’m gonna start,” Drew replied, though Jennifer noted that “hard cardio” might not be what inspires her.

“By the way, no, I did not reach ‘hard cardio,’” Drew later told NY Mag. “But I honored what she said by doing it. It’s a good thing: Honor people by doing the work.”

Looking back on that time following her divorce, Drew said that she was in a spiral and drinking heavily. She didn’t get into too much detail, as the fact that there is “no public scandal” around her divorce is something she’s reportedly proud of, but her therapist even parted ways with her until she stopped drinking for two years.

“Then, the pandemic happened, and I was like, Thank God I got my shit together,” Drew continued. “Because I am the strongest I’ve ever been. Then, we were building the show, and it was hard, challenging, scary, emotional, exhausting, and overwhelming, but I could handle it. Which was so great because the divorce convinced me I couldn’t handle things.”

You can read the full profile of Drew here.

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These “Barbie” Cast Members Attended A Pride Parade On A Perfectly Pink Float

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Barbie Cast Members Attend West Hollywood Pride

If there’s one place Barbie is loved, it’s at a pride parade.

On Sunday, West Hollywood held its annual Pride Parade, and it was a star-studded affair.

This included several honorees, like Melissa McCarthy who received the Ally Icon award.

Niecy Nash-Betts (on the right) and her wife Jessica Betts were named Trailblazer Icons.

Laith Ashley, who plays Taylor Swift’s love interest in the “Lavender Haze” music video, was honored with the Breakthrough Icon award.

Finally, RuPaul’s Drag Race was given the Drag Icon Award, and numerous queens who’ve competed on the show appeared on floats throughout the parade, including Rock M. Sakura and Gottmik.

Other celebrities in attendance included Real Housewives of Beverly Hills stars Garcelle Beauvais and Sutton Stracke.

Selling Sunset alum Christine Quinn came to celebrate, too.

However, two of the most notable attendees were Barbie costars who adorned a perfectly electric pink float for the film.

Alexandra plays one of the many Barbies. Her tagline is, “This Barbie is a celebrated author.”

Meanwhile, Scott plays a Ken. His tagline is, “You guessed it. He’s a Ken.”

While they might have supporting roles in the film, they were front and center on the Barbie float, celebrating all things love. Of course, they both wore pink.

Alexandra was appropriately dressed in a pink two-piece look with color-coordinating earrings and shoes.

Scott opted for lighter shades of the film’s signature color but still wore a pink printed button-down and pink shorts.

If a Barbie float at a Pride parade isn’t reason enough to see the film when it comes out July 21, then I don’t know what is.

In the wise words of another gay icon Jennifer Coolidge in the film Single All the Way, “The gays just know how to do stuff.”

Happy Pride! Looking for more ways to get involved? Check out all of BuzzFeed’s posts celebrating Pride 2023.

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