“If the kid is ‘mature for their age,’ they are being severely neglected emotionally and most likely already have deep psychological scars.”
“I was always told by teachers, ‘Wow, you’re so mature!’ The report cards would come singing my praises for being ‘really quiet, really mature, just gets on with the work.’
I was even described as a ‘dream child’ at times.
Surely this wouldn’t be something problematic? Surely I should be proud of myself?
Not really. I was quiet because my mother would throw a screaming fit at every infraction, real or perceived. I was petrified of my teachers and all other adults, believing that they would scream, yell, and stomp their feet like babies if I left my sandwich crust. I thought that was normal behavior so I quietly did what I had to in order to quell the perceived fury I was certain would come my way. These fears weren’t unfounded — if I were to ask for help, I know now that my teachers wouldn’t mind, but my mum would yell at me.
I know it’s sometimes necessary to yell at kids. For instance, if they’re about to run into a busy road, you need to get their attention. But her screaming was so loud, so constant, that it was beyond unreasonable.
Oh, I am not ‘mature.’ I simply learned early on to submit to everyone else, keep everyone happy at any cost. I now have PTSD and severe conflict avoidance. Thanks, mum.”