That thing is not going to fit in a cup holder

That thing is not going to fit in a cup holder

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When it comes to deciding who gets ownership of the Stanley cup name, the trophy has the upper hand in both tenure and prestige. It is the holy grail of a major sport, after all. But the drink holders are what’s really popping right now, rekindling the age-old debate of whether it’s better to slowly fade away or burn out in a blaze of glory. At the same time, the hockey trophy isn’t dead. It’s just been temporarily upstaged! Feel free to think of it like how there’s two Steve McQueens. Neither one is the right Steve McQueen—one just came first.

The obvious compromise here is for people to stop referring to the canisters as “cups” so as to avoid any confusion or hurt feelings moving forward. The hockey trophy is an enormous deal, and should be respected to some degree. Getting your name engraved on it is the goal of quite literally every hockey player on earth. The thermos company is simply not on that level yet, no matter how ascendant things are looking right now. The trophy is also handled by people in suits wearing special white gloves, for crying out loud! Let’s maybe try calling the new kid on the block…Stanley jugs, perhaps? Stanley chalices, maybe. Or, if you’re not into the whole brevity thing, you can rip the language straight from the company’s website and refer to them as Stanley all-steel vacuum bottles.

Either way, the hockey trophy has been through too much—it’s seen the world, and strip clubs!—to have some young whippersnapper steal its valor. It’s also unclear how many hot dogs can fit in the colorful goblets. Unless an NHL player comes right out and says that they’d rather have the chalice than the trophy, the scales are tipped toward Lord Stanley.



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