Today in news that will make you Google “rooms for rent most remote habitable places on earth”: the leadership team at the UK’s Advertising Standards Authority has taken it upon themselves to ban FKA Twigs’s recent Calvin Klein ad, thereby unequivocally ensuring its viral proliferation across the internet.

Two images of Kendall Jenner, including the one above, were allowed to remain in circulation.

Calvin Klein/Mert and Marcus

In response to complaints, chief executive Guy Parker and his band of merry mad men determined that the Mert + Marcus shot presented Twigs as “a stereotypical sexual object,” calling the image “likely to cause serious offense,” while deciding that two (objectively more provocative?) photos of Kendall Jenner from the same campaign were “unlikely to be seen as irresponsible.” Naturally, the 32 people left on Twitter—which I categorically refuse to call X—had some thoughts. (Parker’s bio describes him as “responsible for executing the ASA’s strategy to have More Impact Online,” which… mission accomplished?)

You can find the regulatory body’s full ruling here, which reads a little like it was written by the council in The Scarlet Letter with additional input from Andrew Tate. Take the line: “Her nudity and facial expression, including a direct gaze and open mouth, gave the image an overall sexual overture.” Note that there were seemingly no complaints about the images depicting the campaign’s male stars, Michael B Jordan and Aaron Taylor-Johnson, who can apparently make eye contact and part their lips with impunity, those lucky devils.

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